


Sunflowers

by oswinry



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 20:09:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17351789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oswinry/pseuds/oswinry
Summary: Relationships don't just spring up from nowhere. River visits Amy on the slow path, and brings a gift.





	Sunflowers

River knocks on the Ponds’ door and stands waiting. “You should visit your mum soon,” the Doctor had told her just the other day, looking unusually solemn. “She needs you, I think.” And River, never quite knowing with the Doctor whether staying away from Amy (and Rory) would result in another universe-ending paradox, had gone.

Fear coils in her lungs, fear that is only ever aroused by the Ponds and their grief—Amy pointing a gun at her, wild with pain and shock and sudden loss. Rory, gentle Rory, with a set to his chin and hardness in his eyes that had never before been there when he looked at her. The sudden drop in her stomach as she realized she was afraid, really afraid, that her parents would leave her forever, that Amy’s bossing of Mels would be the only scraps of parenthood she had.

River knows, now, the depth of their love: a love that encompasses the Doctor with all the hurt he brings, and deep, abiding love for River in any form. She knows that if she only jumps ahead in time—three months, a year—Amy will smile at her unreservedly and Rory will hug her without awkwardness. But if she is not steady now, her younger self will never (or will have never) be able to lean on Amy’s strength or Rory’s patience. Because she has two parents behind a wooden door who are grieving for her now, and she needs to be there for them.

River remembers a long-ago day in Berlin, the Ponds chasing her on a motorbike with determination that had seemed so misplaced, and musters a smile as the door swings open.

Inside, it is brightly lit—this house always is—but the light is cold and pale. Amy doesn’t respond to River’s smile, but she doesn’t frown, either. She pads in silence to the kitchen and puts the kettle on. River follows. The silence squeezes her heart.

The kettle boils, and Amy pours the tea. “Rory’s at work,” she finally says. Her voice is smooth, but there is a tremor just beneath. “If you were curious. I don’t have a job yet. It’s hard, somehow, after—I’m looking,” she finishes, and falls silent again.

“Rory’s still at the hospital, then?” River asks, knowing perfectly well that he is.

Amy nods. “Mels, um, always drank her—your—tea black. Has that…changed?”

River wishes she could say no, but she will not lie to Amy, not here. She sighs. “I was tough back then, wasn’t I? I hate to say it, but I’d prefer three sugars.”

Amy’s lips quirk, but it’s not a happy smile. “You’re as bad as the Doctor.”

“I’m as bad as Rory, you mean,” River scoffs. “I remember what his tea was like.”

The smile is less bitter this time. “I suppose so.”

They drink their tea in silence. The warmth soaks into River slowly, stretching and unwinding the tight ball of unease she feels, a reaction to the palpable grief in Amy’s house. Her mother saw her baby and her best friend disappear, River reminds herself. She touches Amy’s hand: a gentle pressure.

“I brought a gift,” she says, and produces a bag of seeds from her purse. “Gardening…I know it was always Brian’s hobby. We used to make fun of it, remember?” she chuckles.

Amy’s shoulders stiffen, but her face is lighter.

River continues. “But gardening. Dirt, and things that grow, year after year. It…helps.”

“I don’t need help,” Amy snaps suddenly, rounding on her, and oh, River hopes that her gift will help, “I’m fine. I know what you’re doing, but you’re not Mels and you’re certainly not—Melody—” her voice breaks, just for an instant, but she recovers, and hardens. River sees the words coming before they arrive, but she has weathered worse.

“You think you can just step in and take their place. You think that I’ll be able to look at you and see Melody, or mad Mels, all grown up. But I can’t. You sweep in, all ‘I’m Melody,’ but you’re not. You’re River. And my little baby, my daughter—she had a dimple on her left cheek. I remember. But I don’t know, because I don’t have any pictures, because she dissolved into goo before she was a month old!“ Amy is screaming now. She takes a breath, calming herself. “I don’t want you. I want Melody.”

Some deep part of River wants to break, but she won’t allow it to. What you are going to be, Melody, is very, very brave, she thinks, and speaks.

“I’m not your baby, Amy. But. I’m your daughter.”

Amy blinks, something in her eyes softening, just a bit, to reveal a tremulous creature beneath.

“Amy, these are sunflowers. I know that you love them, because I grew up with you. Because I came and found you. I love you, and I’m sorry, I really am, that you lost your child. But I lost my mother, that same day, and Amy—I don’t want to let her go again.”

Amy doesn’t move. River gently places the sunflowers in Amy’s hand and moves away. “Plant them. Let them grow. Think about it.” She waits, and when there is no answer, begins to move toward the door. She will be back, and Amy will be waiting.

“River—” Amy calls, as River nears the door.

River stops. Turns.

“I’m sorry. I am. I…miss you. It’s just. It’s hard.” Amy swallows, meets River’s eyes. “I think…you are my daughter. And I think I’m your mum. With time.”

“Always and completely forgiven, the Doctor said once,” River replies. She offers Amy a smile, tentative, and receives a slight one in return. “I offer you the same. And I have a Time Head.” She pats her curls, and is rewarded with a giggle from Amy, shocked and shy. “I can give you time. I love you, Mum.”

She sees herself out without waiting for Amy’s response. It will come, she knows.

And with it, a garden of sunflowers.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for River Song Appreciation Day 2017. Hope you enjoyed!  
> You can also find me on [tumblr](https://actual-bill-potts.tumblr.com).


End file.
